Entry 3- losing my mind

As an honours student in UBC losing your mind and extreme stress is a normal part of your life.

Unfortunately, it does leave any space for sickness. Currently, I have my chronic pain, my menstrual cramps, runny nose and a sore throat. It is all sun shine up in my house!

To make matters worse, it was snowing today... :( I love the snow.. But my condition makes it really hard to enjoy this cold weather because it makes my body go into a crazyyyyyy roller coaster ride of pain, inflammation and more pain.

The thing that i hate more than everything though, is not having control. I hate that my sickness makes me lose control of life. I hate that it makes it hard to catch up on school or to do well on exams. Every time I make a plan, my body decides to be unpredictable. Sometimes it's takes me hours and hours to do a reading that takes a normal person just 10 minutes. 

It's not very surprising though because cognition and mobility are very much related. For example, have you ever walked into a tree ( or any other item) because you were distracted by your phone? I have. That is because walking or movement requires cognitive effort. So when you tax your cognition by trying to find the damn restaurant on google maps using your iPhone, your mobility suffers. Although this doesn't really explain much regarding my situation which is the exact oposite. My mobility issues and cognitive decline happened around the same time. But I wouldn't be surprised if there was a relationship between the two. I doubt anyone has actually looked at fibromyalgia and what is known as the fibro fog ( basically being forgetfull and etc). 

Obviously, my cognitive decline could be a result of 100 pain killers that I am on or the lack of sleep because of my constant pain or any other third variable. But I don't know, there is something about movement or exercise that seems essential to me. Now doesn't that suck!

I've noticed my walking has been really effected in the past few months. I am more and more doing my penguin walk rather than my usual confident steps ;). At least penguins are cute, right? So that makes me cute.  My logic is flawless! :P

Yup, lame jokes are how you survive these really shitty days. 

Entry 2- days in between

I only dropped my drinks twice today. Some days it's phone, other days it's keys but today it was my hot cup of tea and later my yummy cup of French vanilla cap. But my fingers are no longer crazy swollen so I could atleast throw my fist in the air and swear at the almighty God or whoever is in charge.

I only forgot a few common words such as fireplace today. I only had to re-read few pages on my reading assignments. I only had to drag myself out of the bed once and I managed to stay out of bed. 

I only hated my body 10 times today. I only looked like a pregnant lady 3 times today ( I got fat and sometimes with my back pain I end up walking with my hands on my waist. I totally look pregnant). Today, I only stared at my stretch marks for 10 minutes. Thou I spent 10 more minutes investigating my body for new stretch mark. But hey, atleast I managed to work out. Even if it was for 5 minute and made me feel like i just did the grouse grind.

I was only irritated for 8 hours out of my 12 hour day. I only resented any one who can skate or have fun for a total of 45 minutes 

Over all, today was a good day. As good as it gets.

I actually managed to stay out of bed, Stay adamant on finishing my readings and work out.

Today was a good day.

Entry 1- Introduction

Most of you are probably wondering what the heck is a Lazy Chronic Pain Condition?

Perhaps I should explain.

A year ago from now, my 20 year old body failed me. It was a beginning of a challenging life that I didn't foresee. It began as swollen painful, fingers and forearms. Which was labelled as Repetitive Strain Injury. I guess as a third year student it wasn't such a surprise that my repetitive nota taking and essay writing had finally caused my body to break down. But sadly it didn't end there.

By summer, not only were my arms not better but I slowly lost every other part of my body to chronic pain. First, my legs were effected, then my back and not long, I spent everyday feeling as if someone had beaten me up with a baseball bat. 

No one could tell me why. After many doctors, specialists and lab tests, I had a doctor diagnose me with deconditioning. He claims that since I used to be athletic and was forced to stop working out because of my condition, that my body was having a reaction and behaving in the same way as someone with fibromyalgia. My only treatment is to do cardio workout everyday and I will be allllll better! 

4 months has passsed with me working out everyday with zero results but unfortunately, I am still stuck with the deconditioning diagnoses, hence the Lazy chronic pain disorder. 

I have lost hope in the medical community, pain killer, pharmological companies and everything that's good in the world. 

So here I am. Just writing away my sorrows.

And if anyone passes by, I hope that I can make them understand and become more sensitive to those  with chronic pain. 

Additionally, I grew up as a blogger. I started blogging when I was only 9 years old. So i guess it's not surprising that when shit hit the fan, I chose to run towards my old habits.